Monday, April 18, 2011

Cha-Cha-Cha Charmin!

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I am willing to contend that making advertisements for toilet paper is a supremely challenging and often thankless job. Recently, there has a vast improvement in the quality of toilet paper commercial. I attribute this recent improvement to the fact that every possible mistake has already been made (mostly by Charmin).

The Tolerable:

Cottonelle: The major offense is that it doesn’t make any sense, but it is redeemed by the fact that there is a cute lab puppy.

Angel Soft: This is actually humorous, but has an absurdly long jingle at the end.

The Rest:

Quilted Northern: Let’s begin our tour of bad toilet paper commercials with Quilted Northern. I am sure you are familiar with the three women who sit around quilting and chatting about current toilet paper issues. Where did the creators go wrong? These women are quilting toilet paper! They are creating something that people are literally going smear with poo. This is not a quilting club; it is a toilet paper sweatshop.

Don't let the fact that it is a cartoon fool you, toilet paper sweatshops are no laughing matter

  • Charmin: Business Section: I cannot speak for bears, but I have never had a problem with a bath tissue “that leaves lots pieces behind.” This seems to be a recurring theme in toilet paper ads (see Angel Soft and Quilted Northern above), but Charmin is the only one with the audacity to give the audience a close up of a bears butt. Also, why does a bear need glasses?

Yet another example of "lots of pieces"

  • Charmin: Dinner Conversation: I am starting to think this bear family is far too open about what they do in the bathroom. You know how I know texting is not cool anymore? It is featured in a Charmin commercial.
  • Charmin: Beach Trip: Nothing like good old fashioned bear segregation.
  • Charmin: In the Mood for Love:
    Who is the target audience for this commercial? Men? Women? Bears? Is this some sort of strange bear mating ritual? Can the female bear (the one with the bow) see the male bear (the one on the toilet) or is she listening to him sing through the door? Is he singing to her or to the toilet paper? Why does he rub the toilet paper on his face? Since when does a bear use a toilet? Or a sofa? Or live in a house?

So there you have it, the worst toilet paper commercials of recent history. If you made it this far I am impressed.

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