A Summary of the Hobbit/ Fellowship of the Ring by Sean Kienle

I meant to write an entry about our New Zealand trip, and then this happened.  Last night I was having trouble falling asleep (probably because we'd slept 15 hours after our return from New Zealand), and so I asked Sean to tell me a story.  What follows is Sean's late night re-telling of the Hobbit/ Fellowship of the Ring.

Sean: There is this short guy.  He lives in an underground house and is kind of a grouch.  He is perfectly content to live by himself and do nothing.  Then, this tall guy comes and he’s like, “Want to go on an adventure?” and the short guy’s like, “No.”  And then, the tall guy is like, “Are you sure?”, and he’s like “Yes, I’m sure.”  The tall guy is like “Okay!” and when the short guy shuts his door, the tall guy writes something on it.  Later, a medium guy shows up and says, “Hey, I’m here for the adventure”.  Then, more medium guys show up who are ready for the adventure. Then, they eat all of his food and sing a bunch of songs.  The tall guy, oh yeah, he’s there too, is like “Hey, we’re going on an adventure, and you’re coming too!”  And so they go on an adventure.  Later, the short guy, whose name is Bilbo, is back in his underground house, and there’s another short guy there named Frodo.  Bilbo’s like “I’m really old and dying, and you should have this ring.”  I guess the ring is from the first adventure, but I forgot to mention it.  And then, three other short guys join Frodo, not Bilbo, and they’re like “We need to take this ring somewhere.”  I don’t remember where.  Or, why they’re doing this at all. But, they do.  Then, they’re climbing a mountain, and Frodo’s like “Hey, I’m going to put this on”, and he disappears.  Then, grim reapers appear!  [Sarah: Wait, you forgot the part at the inn!  He doesn’t put on for the first time on the mountain. Sean: This is my story.  When do the grim reapers appear?  Sarah: I’m going to make a note.] Then, they run away, and apparently the grim reapers are really slow because they don’t catch them.  Instead of finding Gandalf, who was supposed to be there or something, they say, “Let’s go to the bar.” And the barkeeper is like, “We don’t serve your kind here.”  [Sarah: I think you’re just making things up now.”]  And then Frodo is like, “I’m going to fall off this barstool and become invisible.”  Then Vigo Mortensen is like “Hey short guys, come sleep in my room.”  And they’re all like ‘Definitely!” And they do.  Then the grim reapers show up and are going to stab them in the bed. And they do. But then it turns out they aren’t in the beds; they are on little horses…or something.  I don’t remember what happens.  Then they go to the river place, and all of these different people are arguing about something. The ring!  They are arguing about the ring, but I don’t remember what they are saying. A medium sized guy tries to hit the ring, and it doesn’t work like you think it should.  They have to put a ring in a volcano for some reason.  The short guys say, “We’re short!  So, we should do it!” Everyone else is like “We’ll go too!  It’ll be fun.”  And that’s how they sorted the Ringling Brothers (because of the ring).  But, not everybody went.  Some people were like, “We’re going to stay here because we can see the future.”  And then, because there are no cars, airplanes, or horses of different sizes, they decide to walk forever, like across the country.  And the tall guy, the wizard who is back for some reason, is like “Let’s walk up this snowy mountain.”  Everyone is like “Okay!”  Then, when they are half way up the mountain and its snowy, they say, “This sucks!  Let’s go somewhere else.”  The tall guy says, “It’s this or we can go into a dwarf tomb!”  And everyone says, “Tomb! Tomb!”  So, they go to the tomb and then it’s gross and creepy like you’d expect a tomb to be, and it’s like a maze, which sounds fun but isn’t.  They walk across a really unsafe bridge single file with no guardrails over a deep chasm. At the same time, they have to fight a whip monster that is on fire and has a whip.  The tall wizard decides to break the bridge, and he does.  But the monster gets him, and they fall until they land on top of a tall tower, which doesn’t make sense.  But wait!  You aren’t supposed to know that yet.  He dies.  Then they are sad for a few minutes.  And, come out of the tomb (which apparently is just a tunnel), and come to a giant lake.  One guy says, “You know who should be in charge of this ring?  Boramir.” [Sarah: Nobody says this!]  And Boramir agrees.  Then, I don’t know what happens.  Boramir gets killed, and the short guys sneak away.  Did I mention the short guys are called hobbits?  And that’s the story of the brotherhood of the ring.  The end.