Rules for a Happy Marriage

Yesterday, Sarah and I celebrated our “one-half-iversary.” Since we have been married a full six months, which is considerably longer than many celebrity marriages, we feel that gives us enough credibility to write about what steps you should take to make your marriage as happy as ours.

Sarah and Sean’s Rules and Guidelines for a Happy Marriage:

1. Go Dancing. Take dance lessons together, go swing dancing, learn to salsa, waltz around the living room, etc… Be advised, though, refrain from polkaing. It will only lead to a fight where you both stomp off the dance floor.
2. Exercise Together. You are never uglier than immediately following a three-mile run. Your spouse will then truly appreciate how you look all put together.
3. Pucker Down when Under the Weather. Not kissing your spouse when you are sick is the sweetest thing you can do for them.
4. Do Crossword Puzzles Together. DO NOT have a crossword puzzle competition to see who can do the same puzzle fastest because it will ONLY end in anger.
5. Get a Pet. Deciding whose turn it is to clean up whatever just came out of the cat is a good exercise in communication and compromise. (Example: “Dear, I cleaned up the feces last time, so I feel it is your turn to take care of the regurgitated food.”)
6. Remain the Same Sizes Proportionally. If your wife gains/loses weight, you husbands are obligated to gain/lose proportionally the same amount. That way you will always remain the same sizes relative to each other as when you first married.
7. Find Common Interests. It could be anything really, like making fun of people you don’t know behind their back or tormenting the cat or volunteering at a soup kitchen. Anything goes as long as you’re enjoying it together.
8. Listen to Each Other. Take time to listen even if your husband is discussing the coefficient of thermal expansions of aluminum or your wife is talking about the evolution of suction feeding in otariids.
9. Find Television Shows that You Both Enjoy. You can enjoy spending time together that doesn’t involve explaining that Dexter is not real and dealing with the subsequent nightmares.
10. Learn the Other Person’s Weird Rules. Taking time to shut the cupboard doors or refraining from storing the tomatoes in the fridge can smooth over many small disagreements.
11. Start a Blog Together. This is an excellent way to have your wife criticize your syntax and punctuation. This will make you a better writer.
12. Always Kiss Goodnight. There is no funny story to go along with this, it is just a good idea… except when it violates number 3.